i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
