bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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