even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
