If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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