honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Pappa wants mamma naked
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
