Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All the doctor said was why
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
