Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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