wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
