I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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