I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
