Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
