I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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