I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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