Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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