Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
