I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize