I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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