I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
