I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
