It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
