Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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