We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
