Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
