Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
