Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
