Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
