opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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