Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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