I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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