It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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