We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
