Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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