did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
