I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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