Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
