dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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