You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
