I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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