Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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