Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
