Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
