I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
