3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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