do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
