I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
