i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
