i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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