Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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