I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
