So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
