I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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